I’d rather be golfing

A little note to the gentleman that was driving the $80,000 SUV in front of me this morning:
I saw your little license plate surround.
It said, "I'd Rather Be Golfing".

Gee, is that right?
Wouldja?
Wouldja really?

Well, that is just super.
It's really good to know that.
I found that to be an excellent use of your empty license plate space.
You are to be commended sir.

Now to me.
Do you know what I'd rather be doing?
I would rather be beating the f*** out of you for power braking to 15 mph at the first minor, insignificant, misting hint of rain on your windshield.
I would rather jerk a nine-iron out of the golf bag that is no doubt in the cargo space of that monstrosity you are driving and beat you about your head and genitals until you curl up into the fetal position and poopy into your pants.
But that won't fit on my license plate surround, now will it?

No.
No, it won't.

Here's a little tip: Get the f*** off of my freeway and go swing your Limited Edition Callaway clubs at your $100,000-a-year country club, you self-involved cock-gobbler.
I hope you have a stroke on the front nine.
I f****** hate it when someone makes me late for my Christians For A Peaceful Tomorrow rally.
-----------------------------

And that would be my favorite comedic monologue to use for auditions.
At least until I came upon a few deleted scenes from Knocked Up.

Good times.

Like how people wanted me to add to my list of lil' nifties I have on this Online Journal Thingy.
A counter to keep track of how many ladies I'm dating at the moment.

Which would be zero.
Leaving me at super single status as of Friday morning.

Makes people wonder how long that'll last though.
One of my friend's suggested 10mins.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"Your face." - Anonymous

Again, if you're out of the San Diego County area an' would like to help head over to this link for direct help suggestions:

http://www.sdarc.org/site/pp.asp?c=erKQL4NQE&b=3510321

For SD residents that don't use a landline in their place like we do to cutback on bills, you can register you cellphone for Reverse 911 calls by heading over here:

http://www.sandiego.gov/ohs/reverse911/index.shtml

On a lighter note...
Firestorm 07 is the best we could come up with?
I wanted something more impressive to tell my grandchildren.
"I was there for firestorm 07"
Bah!

How about...
- Hell's breath
- Campfire of Doom
- Those wacky terrorists
- The not your average weenie roast.
- Firefighters are awesomeness defined

Well, I'm off to try to get some work done.
If anybody needs a place to stay or hangout, our apartment's still available.

The Red Cross is at max capacity for volunteers.
How beautiful is that?

For those looking for ways to help out with the effects of the wildfires in the San Diego County area specifically, clicking HERE will take you directly to the page with all the info you need.

Assuming the winds don't get even more crazy, our apartment still has room available if you're needing to evacuate.

People make assumptions that I have enough pick-up lines in me to publish a book.
I find it funny that they think so.
'Cuz I probably do.

One of my more recent social outings had a suggestion that I line up the ladies an' just go down the line with pick-up lines.
There were 8 ladies that volunteered at the bar that night.
Apparently the following was ensuing hilarity.

Hey.
How's life everyone?
My name is Reggie an' before I start, I want to point out that I AM single.
I will also assume that every lady I meet is 21 an' taken until proven otherwise.
That bein' said, let's start this...

1: *wink* *trademark smirk* So... I'm huge by asian standards.
2: Me: Can we be friends?
Her: No.
Me: That makes sense. My heart is beating so rapidly right now, how could we just stop at that?
3: I'd be your booger. If only for the chance that you'd pick me.
(I wasn't really feeling this lady.)
4: Damn! Look at that ass! Sorry... just had to get that out of my system.
How about you let me take my lil' road warrior on your freeway of love?
5: You're not allowed around monasteries huh?
You'd probably ruin so many vows of chastity.
6: If I had a nickel for everytime I've meet a beautiful woman like you...
Well... I'd be a poor, poor man.
7: Close your eyes. *she does*
*I grab the sides of her head an' kiss her on the forehead*
I'm sorry, I thought that if I did that, I would have you...
That an' you let your guard down.
*trademark smirk*
8: Me: Do you raise chickens?
Her: *nervous* No....
Me: Well... *trademark smirk* You raised my cock.

It was alot more fun than I would've expected it to be.
Very good reactions from the crowd.
I made alot of new friends that night...

I'm gettin' tired of insomnia.
Damn my body an' it's ability to function at full capacity after 4hrs. of sleep.

I figure that if I ever switched over to casual sex, I'd probably take advantage of asian stereotypes at my partner's expense.
Ya know.
The itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, microscopic lil' pee pee.

Probably just go in with a reaaaaally shallow thrust.
"Take it all bitch! Oh yea! Can you handle it?!"
"This can't be right."
"No. I'm just messin' with you."
"Oh my!"

Damn insomnia.
At this rate, I'll be posting some of my writings online.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"Aren't you hurt? ...From when you fell from the heavens?" - Anonymous

So this is a somewhat standard repost for the non-myspace crowd.
Non-standard because it's actual contents're mostly taken from an old post on this one.

I lose anybody yet?
Just read.
Not like most of you feel like filtering thru my archives.
I'm the only one that gets that bored right?

And then there’s marriage proposals...

I've been finding myself surrounded by alot of marriages this past year.
Some I've performed at.
Some I've attended.
Some I've played an active role in the form of a groomsman or something.
Which reminded me of an older post I had on my other Online Journal Thingy.

Can't have a wedding without the proposal first.
So here's a few of mine.
Feel free to use 'em.
You unoriginal bastard.

Fun Ideas for Marriage Proposal from my Personal Inventory

The Improv Show - This involves having the right connections or being incredibly smooth. Basically, you want to setup ahead of time with the performers a game that involves a volunteer from the audience and a song improvised on the spot. Are you getting ahead of me yet? You're significant other is "randomly selected" to be the person sung to that night. In the form of a love song, that ends up with the line "Will you marry [your name here]?" Hopefully you won't get shot down in front of everyone.

The Doliphin Interaction - Seaworld, cash, and the right amount of charm. Another one that involves setup ahead of time. You just need to convince the trainers to help you deliver the ring to your significant other. For example, inside the mouth of one of the fishes you feed the dolphin. Hopefully you won't get shot down in front of everyone, and the dolphins. Cuz dolphins can be mean if they want to be.

Standard restaurant Proposal: Reg Style - Again, one that involves setup ahead of time. Can you see a running theme here? This involves the help of the waiting staff and the permission of the restaurant owner. Some don't like the unwanted attention from theatrics. Theatrics you ask? During the dessert portion of the meal, you are going to be choking on something in your dessert. When one of the friendly staff saves you w/ the heimlich(sp?) maneuver, you are going to cough up the ring somewhere in the vicinity of your significant other. Hopefully you won't get shot down in front of everyone. This would probably be the situation that would bring the most pity. Lots of work and no results sucks majorly.

Aerial View - Yes, setup ahead of time. Simple really. Because the setup involves you booking time on a hot air balloon ride that ends around Sunset. That would be when you propose, cuz the view would be amazing. Hopefully you won't get shot down in front of everyone. It takes awhile for the balloon to settle 'fore you can safely exit.

Concert - One word: setup. How much needs to be done is dependent on what you want to do. In my book, you can either a) have it subtly thrown in during the announcements "...your headlights are on. And will [significant other] let [you] know if they will marry them so we can hear more music?" or b) during the concert from the performer "I want to give a shout-out to [you] who is going to propose to [significant other] right now." Hopefully you won't get shot down in front of everyone.

Funeral - No setup. This is a joke. If you wanted to take this one seriously, you might want to check your mental state. You could also ask me in private, cuz a few ideas just popped into my head.

Trip to the Vet - This actually happened to a friend of mine. Setup is involved, but it wasn't planned. Basically, the dog ate the ring, had upset tummy, taken to vet by couple, and discovered by x-ray to be the ring. "So...uh. Will you marry me?" Had to wait for the ring to pass thru his digestive system. Good times.

Love making - Setup is dependent on when you want to propose. During: put the ring somewhere within reach of you. Before: Put ring in underwear to be discovered by significant other. After: Ring somewhere in reach. If you were doing it doggystyle, you only need your significant other to standup to propose properly. Hopefully you won't get shot down, cuz that's a buzzkill.

There are more, but these were the more interesting ideas I came up with.
Any guesses as to which one I was leaning to?
If you said Funeral you've got issues to deal with.

It's fun bein' unconventional at times.
Like the e.coli beef, I'm non-standard.
--------------------------------

Karaoke tonight in Oceanside from 8pm-close.
Bring a camera, it'll be fun times.
Stalkers know where to find me.
Everyone else, just call me for info.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"I'm not hung like a stallion, they're hung like me." - Anonymous

And now a selection from my archives of useless dialogue:

"So I got this knick on my leg from a rush job while I was shaving this morning."
"Oh I cut myself shaving too. Depending on how tight my briefs are, it hurts when I walk."

Yea.
Too much freetime.
I should really look into dating more ladies.

Standard repost for the non-myspace crowds.
Try not to be too surprised.

And then there’s one less.

I forget exactly when I started dating again.
I just remembered that first month I started with 10 ladies, shortly after upping that number to 12.

The following story involves one of the 12 during '06.
I figure enough people have gotten a kick out of it so far, time to bring it to the masses.

If I remember correctly, she should be around 22 now.
Beautiful, petite, latina that stood about 5'4.
Had a "A" that made me take notice even though I'm a major supporter of the "T".
Lightened brown hair with blond highlites.
Could've been a part-time model or an air-hostess in the 60's.
But the same could be true of all her co-workers, even the two dudes.
Main thing I enjoyed about her: incredibly infectious laugh.
I'm a fan of joyful people.
If they enjoy making out an' cuddlin' with me, I consider it a bonus.

So one night I found myself relaxin' at her apartment after tryin' out a recipe for "Is It Really Better Than Sex? Cake" courtesy of Paula Deen.
Well, with my experience, it helped me to understand why a vow of chastity would seem doable.
But now I'm running off on a tangent.

So yea, got together, baked a cake, ate it while watching Mary Poppins with the penguin waiters that started my whole fascination with that particular animal.
There I go again.

So she's in her bathroom tryin' on a new necklace she bought from her workplace.
Pretty silver necklace that has the name of the store encrusted with lil' diamonds.
While she's standing in front of the mirror she calls out to me.
"Honey... There's something wrong with my necklace."
"What's that beb?"
"My necklace. It's backwards."
"Well that sucks. You should probably return it."

Now there are two things wrong with that exchange:

Firstly, "honey" was the pet name my last ex used for me.
Creative, yes I know.
An' I'm pretty sure during this particular 3-4 week relationship I corrected her 'bout that multiple times.
I'm sweet, but at the time that nickname stirred up emotions I didn't really enjoy.

Secondly, the mirror has a tendency to reflect images differently than one is used to seeing with their own eyes.
I'm hoping I don't need to walk anybody through what the specific problem is now.

I'm thinkin' the highlites got to her.
I've seen it happen on many occassions.
That's why I've only been tempted to die my hair blue.
As opposed to platinum blonde or funky vomit extravaganza.

I thought she was joking.
The next day at work I see her bring the necklace in an' quite naturally, her co-workers laughing at her.
At that point, I found myself making addendums to my list of "no nos for ladies".
I also found myself strongly considering an actual application form for any future ladies.

I made alot of cuts that week.
From 12 to 7.
But that was last year, what about '07?

I trimmed it down to 2 last week, but I believe it's goin' back up to 3 possibly 4 depending on one lady.
We're still in the process of feeling things out.
If that translates into actual physicality, well yay for us.

Hurrah for blind dates.
Even one setup by my first ex.
If that doesn't lead to a good story, I'm not sure what will.
I'll get back to you next week on that one.
------------------------------

Since I've got your attention...

Anybody know of any outlet(s) for spoken word in San Diego County?
Got a bunch of new writings I want to test out.

New jobs + set my own hours = Waaaay too much freetime.
Realistically, I only spend 'bout 3 hrs. a week in the office doin' paperwork.

If you or anybody you know needs anything real estate wise in
Southern California, feel free to drop me a line.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 23
The Random Quote:
"Hell, I could tell your future if you'd just let me hold those titties in my hands." - Rock Baby

Forgot to mention.
I need costume ideas for Halloween.
I'd really like to hit up downtown this year.

Damn you insomnia.
Damn you to heck.

So yea, I'm only dating two ladies at the moment now.
I dropped one at the beginning of the week.
Too aggressive sexually for me.
At least for a relationship that was barely reaching the two month point.

I guess now would be a good time to remind everyone where I stand.
Cuz I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I am finding things I'd like to avoid.

In my lifetime, I've had two serious relationships.
Both of them lasting roughly three and a half years in length.
Both of them seemingly on the path to marriage.
Both ending on bad notes.
The first bad enough to start my relationship with alcohol.
The second bad enough to spend about 3k in one night at a casino.
The fun thing about heartbreak, it really leaves you emotionally/mentally unstable.
Stories for another time I guess.

It's because of these past two relationships I'm now on a dating multiple ladies at the same time policy.
I want to take things pretty slowly.
Use the dating process to filter out any red flags.
REALLY make sure I'm not wasting more time.
That's understandable right?

It's not like I'm man-whoring it up either.
Contrary to popular belief, I'm not the "hit it an' quit it" type of guy.
Because a part of me is always looking long-term.
It's not rushing it, but it is aware of it.
As far as physical intimacy goes, nothing past oral.
Cuz playing "Just the tip" would just get out of hand for me.

I reserve that "fun" aspect for a serious relationship.
Cuz if either one of us messes up, it's a lifetime commitment.
I'm a fan of healthy, stable environments to grow up in.

Which brings me back to the lady I dropped earlier this week.
Possible nympho.
She just wanted to go all the way often.
For those that are curious, flashback to my blind date story that took place at Starbucks.

Mmmhmm.

Had to go an' make things hard on me all the time.
The breakup not quite as smooth as I'd like either.
I forget the exact conversations, but there was boobage involved.
Why is that so bad?
It wasn't, she wanted me to say goodbye to 'em.
I just left my cellphone at her home an' had to head back later that day to pick it up.

"You came back for more?"
"Not really. I left my Helio here... I'm hoping you didn't break it."
Again, the conversation's kinda fuzzy now.
Probably could've made for a solid cellphone advertisement though.

So there you have it.
Nice lil' recap on my relationship views at the moment.
Might be down to 0 by the end of the week, might be up to 5.
Who knows?
It is getting closer to cuddling season.

Yes, I'm still open to blind dates.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 28
The Random Quote:
"Beauty is just a light-switch away." - Anonymous

Standard repost for the non-myspace crowds.

And then I work my last day at Frys.

Sunday, October 7
My last day working at Frys Electronics.
Wasn't hungover from drinking from 9pm-7am like the previous day.
Liver hated me too much.

If you ask any of the employees, they all have something they'd like to do on their last day of work there.
Kick the manager in the nuts.
Steal something expensive.
Get on the PA an' start listing people they hate Half Baked style.
Yell back at customers.

Which is what I did.
I was at maximum sarcasm that day.
"No. We don't sell computers. We only carry groceries. See the fresh fish?"
But only to the customers that came in with attitudes.
The others I did in a jokingly manner.
Apparently my sarcasm's comedy.

So I used to work in Appliance/Telecom.
Telecom specifically.
Our main comp is right by the cd/dvd selections.
For some god-awful reason, even though we're standing next to phones, people ALWAYS come over to us asking for help to find a cd/dvd from the software department.

The following conversation came about because the customer literally pushed aside the other one I was helping at the time. For the sake of this post, I shall refer to him as Male Diva.

Male Diva: You don't seem too busy cuz I need help.
Me: Well, I'm kinda in the middle of answering her questions right now.
Male Diva: That's great... so I'm tryin' to find the soundtrack for Good Luck Chuck...
Me: So, you don't even care that I was helping her out? 'Cuz yours is a software question, hers is a Telecom question.
*At this point I raise my badge up.
See my badge? It says Telecom Sales. Because this is the Telecom Department. The area with all of the phones. Did you ask anybody from Software first?
Male Diva: ...no.
Me: Did you even bother looking for anyone from Software?
Male Diva: ...no.
Me: So you came to me, Telecom Sales because you needed help finding the SOUNDTRACK to Good Luck Chuck?
*Soundtrack selections being right behind us conveniently under the section that says "Soundtrack"
Male Diva: Umm... yea.
Me: So you want the SOUNDTRACK to Good Luck Chuck? Good Luck Chuck that starts with the letter "G"?
Male Diva: ....
Me: The SOUNDTRACK to GOOD LUCK CHUCK? G as in GOOD LUCK CHUCK?
Male Diva: ....yes.
Me: Normally there should be a couple associates in the Software section to help out. But I'm sure lovely young lady here wouldn't mind if a TELECOM guy went over to the SOUNDTRACKS SECTION RIGHT BEHIND US IN SOFTWARE to look thru every cd for you starting with the letter "A" because we're trying to find GOOD LUCK CHUCK, which starts with a "G" for those who weren't paying attention, because we realize that it is difficult to find soundtracks. Lil' gremlins get to them sometimes an' move 'em around or something huh?
Male Diva: ...I think I can find it on my own.
Me: You go do that.
Customer I was helping: Some people...
Me: Yea. You'd think after the age of 30 you'd be able to operate fine without your mother's breast milk.

People have two eyes an' one mouth.
Why must the customers always try out the mouth first?
Use what you got more of people.
Just use the ladies at the bars with the low-cut tops in the wintertime as an example.

*sigh*
Made alot of new friends.
Dealt with alot of bad customers.
Even became partially racists towards a very specific ethnic group.
Good times.

Sure am gonna miss the weekly paychecks though.

Acapulcos in San Marcos.
8pm.
Magic.
Just pure magic.
In a boyish kinda way.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"I saw her picking her nose like no one was there.
That's the kind of girl I want, a girl who doesn't care." - David Choi

Eh.
I got distracted.
Dating does that to a person I guess.

Things to post about:
- last day of work
- blond moment
- down to 2

So many fun stories.
So many in fact, I'm probably gonna end up with a multi-post day.

Whooooa!!!
I know huh?

So Sunday was my last day at Frys selling cellphones an' whatnot.
I was finally allowed to leave one week 'fore my one year anniversary working there.

Mandatory morning meeting at 7am on Saturday morning.
My friends/co-workers decided it's a great idea to drink the night before.
Drunken Monopoly, pull an all-nighter, than go straight to the morning meeting.

So roughly drinking from 9pm-6am.
Most of 'em conked out early.
Went home, shower, changed into work clothes, showed up for the morning meeting.

Free food wasn't so great.
Skit was just a rush job by management.
Awards given out had everybody questioning.
I think the fact that I drank so much just made that meeting go by faster.
That an' a pair of booty shorts that had every heterosexual guys attention at least 8 times that morning.

Everyone gets to go home.
I get to go straight into work.
Probably hungover an' definitely sleep deprived.
But I'm Reggie.
Still made sales left an' right an' handed them off to anybody that was around.

Liver hates me.
Full shift later I get back home an' pass out.
Plan was to go out an' celebrate some more.
Body just didn't let me.

I'm either gettin' too old or I need to stay away from Irish Whiskey.
With Hypnotik.
An' Jagermeister.
An' Sparks.
An' a heapload of assorted beers.

"Only you Reggie. Only you."

I've been hearing that alot lately.
Must be fun bein' me.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"I'd like to park my car in your garage of love." - Anonymous

Yesterday was a bust.
And not just because my friend showed up to support.
(Meet her to get joke)
YOU rock by the way.

It's because I spent two weeks choreographing my performance for yesterday's karaoke contest only to find out that they didn't have my song.

Which song you ask?
I'm tempted to keep it under wraps until next week.
But I figure it'd be funner to build up anticipation for it.

Backstreet Boys - I Want It That Way

Mmmhmm...

Next Wednesday night.
21+
Acapulco in San Marcos.
Reggie doin' boy band stuff.

Yup.
You're just wetting yourself in excitement now huh?

If you don't like my performance, I'll buy you a drink.
Water shots all around.
Tap water though.
I like it rough.

The night wasn't a total loss though.
For some reason, it was cute lady night at Acapulco.
Granted, the majority of 'em were older than me.
I'm an equal opportunity dater though.

So yea, there's a good chance my dating prospects might be increasing by the end of the week.
From 3 to 7.
For those that were curious.
Damn nosy people.

You're just usin' me for good lines huh?
Oh well.
If you laugh, even if it's at my expense, I'm just happy that you're laughing.

There's something I've been wanting to ask you the whole night...
How you doin'?

Not the best, but still cheesy.
I think I was just thrown off by the fact they didn't have my song.
An' how people didn't show up to support.

I got numbers an' people buying me drinks.
Life usually balances out.
Eventually we'll have a consistently great sports team in San Diego.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"I'll take off all my clothes for you. If that's what you're into." - Flight of the Conchords